For quite some time, I was waiting for good to come into my life. I was stuck in a world of negative unhappiness. It was a prison created by him, that I allowed to hold me as captive. In my cell, it was just so hard for me to see or even feel anything good. While goodness did exist, I was just too blind with fear to experience it as it should have been.
I am truly sorry for this. As I continue to reflect on my past life, I have come to realize that I have been a cup half empty kind of person. By my always looking back in my life, I only allowed myself to see and feel the pains and sorrows of it. I know now that I was simply looking in the wrong spaces of my mind, but it was something I had to do.
To aide me in the building of a better future. I have to explore and discover all the good that existed there. I’ve needed to clean out the ugly things said and done to me, so that I could see the moments of goodness that did exist in my life. I am simply a new beginning with things that I am proud of.
No matter how bad things may have gotten, I never turned to chemical dependency to aide me. No matter how much evil was spewed at me, I continued to desire good in life. I may have had to build a wall of protection around my heart, but I have the choice of letting it come down. It isn’t a lifetime sentence. I never envied what others seemed to have.
I just knew in my heart that we should have done better, been better. I may have felt like a very lonely person, but I know now I was never really alone. I have been given an opportunity to change my world for the better. The ugliness and sorrows can change with the flick of my wrist. The words that flow through my life are changing to happy, content, inspiring, praise and love because I am responsible for me.
While this may not seem like a big thing to some, to me, it’s almost everything. Now as I look back, I see things differently. For example, my son was hit by two trucks, but he survived. My mother passed away, but she lived a long and beautiful life. She left me with wonderful memories of her love and kindness and instilled in me good lessons.
Lessons I will carry with me always. My world as I knew it ended in what felt like the blink of an eye. It has opened a whole new world for me to explore. Things have gotten tougher to handle, but I am handling them with my strengths and courage. While at the time, I felt these were bad things happening, I now understand that everything had a good outcome.
I will carry these experiences in my heart with the understanding that it could have been worse. My cup of life no longer feels half empty. It feels half full, and I hope to continue to fill it with even more happy experiences and memories until my cup runneth over.